she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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