did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
