Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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