you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
