Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
