so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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