you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
