You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
