What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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