In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
