I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
