I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
