so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
