If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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