It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize