so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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