I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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