we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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