ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize