made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
