She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
