i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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