If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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