I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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