A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
