Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
