She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize