does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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