Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
