I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
worst night to have a conscience
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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