I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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