just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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