I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
