everyone is single if you try hard enough
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
