Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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