I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
