I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
