So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
