Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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