And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize