If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
