i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This is the high leading the old right now
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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