I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
