he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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