checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
