I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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