I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
