I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
