I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
