So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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