"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
