it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
