I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
