No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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