u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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