haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
