and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
