I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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