Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
