goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
