omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
