Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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