Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I need moral support for this bender
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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