On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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