I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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