You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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