Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
